Why not me?
by TophersWife12
Summary: Is the scuttlebutt true about the Commander and Joker? What's this about a baby? (Language and mentions of abortion)
1. Chapter 1

Background of this story:

Joker and Shepard ARE together.

Joker and Shepard have been together since the first Normandy. Nobody except Liara knows because they don't want people knowing. They want to keep their private life private so nobody can accuse her of favoritism.

You'll more than likely hate Shepard because of her actions in the beginning, but hopefully you'll grow to love her like I do.

Enjoy and always, leave a review if you wish to give me advice or to admire my story. Love you all!

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Jeff "Joker" Moreau was known as the snarky comic relief aboard the Normandy. His sarcastic quips, his eye rolls, his SR2 cap that was always on his head. He was the guy to go to when you just needed someone to talk to. Not about emotional things, God forbid, he doesn't touch those with a 18932 foot pole.

So when word got around the ship that Joker was banging the Commander, scuttlebutt was very curious.

Scuttlebutt was SO curious, that they managed to make a time-sheet so there was someone ALWAYS by one or the other. One meaning Shepard, the other, Joker.

But the scuttlebutt wasn't the lower crew that never gets to interact with Shepard's crew. It WAS Shepard's crew.

"Alright, Joker doesn't leave the cockpit until 2300 hours. Shepard is usually up at that time checking her mailbox. She doesn't go to sleep until 0200 and then only sleeps until 0500. There's absolutely no way those two have a thing going on. It's not possible!" With a drink (with straw!) in one hand, Tali threw her free hand in the air, waving it around in disbelief. She's known Jane for years. Surely she would know if Jane had something going on with their beloved pilot. Right?

Tossing the actual paper aside, Tali took a long sip from her beverage before turning her head towards Liara. The Asari in question had a small smile on her face as she sipped her wine quietly to herself.

The whole crew seemed to be in the Port Observation lounge that night. Garrus, James, Kaidan, and Cortez were making bets on whether Joker was the one who initiated the relationship or if it was Shepard. It seemed all but Garrus but money on Shepard. The girls, Liara, Miranda, Kasumi, Tali, and Traynor were huddled around the sheet, debating on if they should continue with their investigation.

Ping!

All noise in the room stopped as an incoming message came in to Liara's moni-tool. Everyone hushed one another as Liara simply put her drink down and glanced at her tool.

"Shepard...is in the med-bay? But...I don't recall her getting injured on the latest mission." Her azure eyes glanced up at her friends. While most of the crew shook their heads, Garrus let out a soft cough. All eyes turned to him.

"When we were on Illium, Shepard had stopped at a local store. I didn't go in with her because..well..it's a store. It didn't have any mods or guns so I didn't think she needed me. But she looked...troubled. And when she came out, she had slipped something into her armor. I never got to see it so I assumed it was something for your women."

Tali snorted in amusement as she took once long sip of her drink. A majority of everyone else seemed to let it go and continued on with what they were doing. Liara had stood up and gave Garrus a nod. "I'll let you all know what I find out."

All was quiet until James' voice rang out, "Damn, all this talking of Lola banging our pilot makes me hungry! Who wants some Huevos Rancheros!?"

When Liara approached the Med-Bay doors, she was surprised to find Joker leaning against them. He had no hat on and had his hands covering his face. Concern immediately overtook Liara as she cautiously approached the pilot. Placing a gently hand on his shoulder, the man jumped before visibly relaxing at the sight of the Asari.

"Joker, what's happened? Is she alright?" She spoke softly into his ear, not wanting to arouse suspicion with the skeleton crew still working.

The man in question let out a short laugh before dropping his hands and shaking his head. "Liara, she, uh, shit.." Liara glanced down and noticed that Joker seemed to be visibly shaking. Almost like he was terrified. Reaching down for his hands, she squeezed them softly, urging him to finish. Noticing her hands, Joker nodded. "Right. Last night, I went up to her cabin. Shepard seemed...preoccupied. When I got there, she was just sitting on her bed with this...box or something. When I went to see her, she was crying. You know her Liara, Jane NEVER cries. So, I'm thinking that you know, one of us had died. Or..her hamster. But...it was pills. For an abortion.."

Joker spoke the last words so softly that when Liara heard him, she had to let her mind process it. Once she did, the woman couldn't help the upwards assault of her eyes.

Their commander is pregnant. Was. And nobody had a clue except for Joker last night.

Joker shaking his head brought Liara out of her thoughts. "She was fucking pregnant. With my kid. And she just...I was so angry at her. I didn't care that she was crying. All I kept thinking was that this was my kid too. A boy or girl. And she just went ahead and killed it. Without even talking to me. How can you do that to a person? How do you go from saying, "Hey I love you and can't wait to marry you" to, "So I'm pregnant and don't want the kid so I'm going to have an abortion and not tell you about it because all you are to me is a sperm donor."

"Joker..." Liara spoke softly, gripping onto his hands tightly. "Shepard has not come to me to talk to me about any of this. But she HAS come to me to talk to me about you and her relationship. You have made her genuinely happy. I have not seen a smile on her face since the day you two went on shore leave together. There is a light back in her eyes that I have not seen since she came back. YOU give her so much happiness. While I can't understand her reasoning for this, I DO know that she loves you with every fiber of her being."

"Then if she does, WHY'D SHE KILL MY KID?!" Joker's shout echoed. The skeleton crew stopped working. The noise that you could visibly hear from the lounge went quiet. Liara felt a coldness wash over her body as the realization came to head.

Everyone. Knows. Now.

Joker didn't even seem to notice. The anger and sadness enveloped him like an aura. He didn't want to listen anymore.

"The fact that she...if she didn't want the kid, she could have came to me. We could have talked about it like adults. I would have been mad, sure. But I would have listened to her reasoning. Just the fact that she did it behind my back and then..I have to get outta here. Sorry Liara." And with that, Joker hobbled away slowly.

Unsure of what to do next, Liara moved to go back to the lounge until the Med bay doors swooshed open and there stood Commander Shepard.

With a look of pure defeat on her face.

She looked awful. Her normally bright red hair that was up in a military style bun was out of regulation and fell in messy waves to her shoulders. While she was normally in her uniform, the commander had opted to wearing N7 sweatpants and an Alliance Navy t-shirt that seemed to just hang on her body. Has she always been that skinny?

Without even looking up at Liara, Jane spoke. "He hates me, doesn't he?"

Liara sighed to herself before bringing her hand towards Jane's and interlacing their fingers together. With a small tug, Jane began to walk slowly by Liara's side as they made their way to the elevator. Pressing for the Captain's cabin, Jane let out a deep sigh before letting her head drop back against the elevator wall.

With a curious glance at her commander, Liara squeezed her hand gently. "In his viewpoint, he has a right to be angry with you. What happened Jane?"

Suddenly, Jane's eyes flashed open and she grit her teeth, almost in pain. "Stop the elevator, EDI."

"Yes, Commander." The AI's voice rang out around the small confines of the elevator. Liara glanced to Shepard in uneasiness before watching her sit down on the ground, her head rested on her knees.

"I found out I was pregnant five weeks ago. I had to take several tests to confirm it because Miranda was the one who told me that I couldn't have any kids. I understood that. I died, it's only natural that I couldn't give birth. I didn't tell Jeff because...the baby wouldn't have survived childbirth. I've been talking to Chakwas ever since I found out. At first, I was terrified. I never thought of myself as a mother. I still have work I need to do. I mean for God's sake, we're in a damn war with machines that could wipe us out! There's not a chance in Hell I'd be able to raise a kid in this shit. But then...then Jeff found out about his sister and I just..I knew that I wanted to give him happiness. I decided to raise this kid."

Laughing softly under her breath, Jane lifted her head to look at her trusted friend. Liara was beyond shocked to see tears in her eyes.

Taking in a shuddering breath, Jane continued. "But then...this latest scan..Karin tells me that the baby isn't forming how it properly should when in the womb. Parts weren't developing, there was no heartbeat. I just...had a dead fetus inside me. I didn't want him to know that our baby could never happen. I didn't want to give him this news and then suddenly take it away from him. So..I hid it from him. When we went to Illium to pick up spare parts, I contacted a scientist who specializes in termination pills. Jeff walked in on me after I had taken them."

Liara couldn't help the gasp that escaped her lips. Slowly, the Asari sat down next to Jane and glanced over at her. Tears were running freely down the woman's face and all Liara could do was stare. With all the wisdom she had acquired through her years of being alive, nothing could have prepared her for this.

"Some Commander I am. It's a goddamn miracle I'm still in charge."

"Commander, Jeff is asking for permission to come aboard the elevator. I would advise that you let the elevator run." EDI's voice rang out in the elevator and Jane let out a soft sigh before standing back up.

"Drop us down to where he's at, EDI. I need to talk to him." Wiping at the wetness on her cheeks, Jane glanced down to her companion and gave the woman a small smile. Liara returned it before standing back up as well.

"Shepard, speak to him the truth. I've gotten to know all of the crew fairly well over the years. I know if you explain the situation, Jeff will understand."

All Jane could do was simply nod as the elevator began to move back down. She felt like her heart was going to explode.

And then the elevator chimed the destination and the doors opened.

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Oh no...a cliffy!

Just kidding. The rest will be posted later. ;)

Until next time!


	2. Chapter 2

It had been nearing the three hour mark since Joker and Shepard had come up into her cabin. Silence ensued for a majority of it until Joker let lose. She could FEEL the anger radiating off of him as he sat on the leather couch. She remained still on her bed, sitting cross legged, patiently waiting for the pilot to say something. ANYTHING.

Finally, his voice came out choked with emotion. Emotion Jane had only ever head once from him. And that was when he had come up behind her while she was talking to the Illusive Man. He had grabbed her into the tightest hug he could imagine and simply held her. He spoke of how thankful he was that she was alive and how guilt ridden he felt that she had died. He made love to her that night so beautifully that she almost thought she was actually dead.

"Why? Just...I want to know why you thought you couldn't tell me that you were pregnant. After all we've been through, you couldn't have come and told me that? Do you not remember what I asked you two nights ago? Or does your mind change as often as your sexual partners?"

Ouch.

She visibly wince before ducking her head down in shame. She heard Joker's sharp exhale and still did not lift her head.

"Don't do that shit. It's disturbing. I should be the one with my head down." A thud made her look up and Jane had seen that Joker had tossed his cap onto the coffee table, his hands running through his hair in frustration.

"I've loved you since the day you told me to get the fuck off the ship or you're dying with me. I fell in love with the way you recklessly throw yourself into harms way to help the greater good. You DIED saving me. Shitty, isn't it? Not knowing you love someone until they're dead." He laughed softly while shaking his head. Finally, his green eyes sought hers and he gave a shake of his head.

"Jane, you aren't sixteen anymore. You aren't alone. You have people that depend on you and you have people to depend on. What hurts most of all throughout all of this is that you felt like you couldn't come and talk to me about this. We're adults. Well, I am. And the fact that you did this behind my back..I feel betrayed. I feel like I mean nothing to you. I feel like I did back at Flight Academy. Just..left out. It's not a fun fucking feeling coming from you, Jane. My Fiance."

She shut her eyes tightly before opening them and glancing at Joker. His head was resting on the back of her couch, his eyes staring up at the ceiling.

She made a horrible mistake.

Slowly, very slowly, Jane moved off of the bed and towards Jeff. Once she got close, she settled down next to him, placing her hands on his own. He didn't pull away, so Jane took that as a sign to continue.

"I've never had the opportunity to grow up with a real family. All my life I've been alone. The Reds were all I knew growing up. I didn't understand love and affection. I didn't understand the need to talk about feelings and to trust someone. I didn't believe in it. But then, I joined the Alliance and the Military became my family. My subordinates became what I never had."

Squeezing his hand, she continued.

"When I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't believe it. My first thought was that I'm not ready. I must have gone back and forth on whether or not to keep the baby. But Jeff, abortion was NOT the first thing on my mind. The first that was, I hope they have your heart."

Jeff scoffed before tilting his head towards Jane. Disbelief was all over his face. Jane wouldn't let him speak.

"Instead...life gave me a child who would never live. I did not and would never selfishly kill OUR child. This baby..never would have lived. I don't...I don't know if it's my fault but he just..wasn't forming.." She stuttered before ultimately clamping her mouth shut and closing her eyes. But she needed to finish. She exhaled shakily before opening her eyes and looking into Jeff's.

"There was no heartbeat because there was no heart. It was a mess of limbs inside me and Doctor Chakwas knew, without a doubt, that this baby was already gone. Jeff, I didn't tell you because..it seemed unfair to you. I wanted so badly to give you a chance at happiness by giving you a healthy baby. But then..this happened and the last thing I wanted to do was to give you more bad news in this world of horror. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for doing this to you. For not giving you a say. It was selfish and I feel...I feel like I don't deserve you."

"Shut up Jane. You sound stupid."

"Wha-?" She couldn't believe what he just said. Shut up? Really?

"You've spent the majority of your career making other people happy. Not once have I heard you talk about YOUR happiness. Yeah, I'm still mad. I'll stay mad. I'm a guy. But I'll be fine. I just can't believe you thought you would be okay keeping all of this to yourself. I'm supposed to be your..boyfriend or whatever. It's an unwritten law that girls should always go to their boyfriends for problems. It's in the handbook, somewhere." Sitting up more properly, Jeff reached up to caress Jane's cheek softly. She leaned into the touch before moving closer to rest her head on his shoulder. His hand went to the back of her head where he gently ran his fingers through the red tresses.

"I feel like a dick for blowing up on you."

"And feel like a bitch for keeping my pregnancy a secret."

"Yeah..let's not do that again."

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One more chapter? Or should I end this?

Loves!


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